I just read an article on the Huffington Post online news paper by Iris Krasnow called "The Fine Line Between Marriage and Divorce." In the article, Krasnow talks about the "eggshell-thin line that separates loving from loathing" within a marriage. You would think the first things she mentions would destory even an unhealthy marriage: "swinging, adultery, spouses coming out as gay after 30 years together, threesomes, fist fights in restaurants, even the tale of a husband discovered to be having sex with a sheep, documented in a photograph discovered by his wife in his nightstand drawer," but these women, even the ones in healthy marriages, constantly think about divorce. And this got me thinking...
Any of the above-mentioned adultry would crumble mine and Matt's future marriage, we have already discussed, and agreeed on that. But how many of these women in healthy, stable, happy marriages who are constantly thinking "divorce" have been in knock-down, drag-out relationships with someone they actually strongly dislike? These women's only "hang up" is the fact that they have to stay "with one person in one house for a very long time."
Before Matt and I met, I was in a flat out unhealthy long-term relationship where I was disrespected and abused as a person. I thought I would never get out, never leave, and that was my life. And, similarly, Matt was in an unhealthy, abusive marriage. We actually have had long discussions comparing the similarities of the two previous relationships. Thankfully I had Riley and that was my last straw, Riley seeing me so unhappy and so helpless caused me to change things in my life. Matt and I have both been through being "cheated on" by the people who claimed to love us (which is what ended Matt's marriage), abuse both physical and mental, and month-long fights about nothing in particular.
All of the above-mentioned experiences have caused Matt and I to value each other more. Matt wants to provide for us, to take care of us in that way. He wants Riley to be able to do gym class, soccer and school. And I want to take care of Matt, Riley, and our house. I like to cook dinner, be a stay-at-home mom, take care of the house, take care of my boys- all of that is fulfilling to me. That is my work. Right now I don't want a job, or to go to school, I want to get married, have another baby and raise my kids along with my future husband.
I personally think that our experiences with love before meeting each other have caused us to want these things so much more than ordinary people. Krasnow admits, "These are not abused wives; they are women with nice husbands who give them orgasms and jewelry and stability." Those are things that I want forever: to be with someone who loves and cherishes me (in a healthy way) for me. I also think that because Matt and I trust each other, we are the type of couple who can be apart from each other for periods of time without worrying about what the other is doing. One of the three strategies that Krasnow believes makes a marriage last is, "couples who allow each other to grow separately are the ones with the best chance of growing together and staying together."
As my marriage to Matt quickly approaches, I know not only will we never get divorced, but I know that one of my fears of divorce will not be the possibility of "cranky step-kids who hate [me]." I will also always remember that "the grass isn't always greener, there are parched patches on both sides of the fence." I think as humans it is easier to want what you can't have. If all of your friends are getting divorced, you may want that too. Maybe for the attention, or the drama, or just because you want something exciting- it is uncharted territory that might make your life that much more interesting. Well, let me tell you, it won't. It is sad, despressing, and hard to pick yourself back up from.
I don't ever want divorce, for Riley and our future child(ren), and also for Matt. I never want him to feel so defeated and lonely again. I want to love him forever, build a life together, and grow old side-by-side. Of course there will be rough patches in our marriage, but I know our love and respect for one another, and also our drive to be happy and content with life, will prevail. Our motto in life is, "Whatever it is, we'll make it work," and that is what we plan to do.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Dress Shopping Take Three and an Update
About a month ago, my mom and I went to Betsy Robinson in Pikesville, MD. I tried on a BUNCH of dresses, one which I really liked. I didn't get a picture of it, but I will try to describe it to my best ability.
It was a a strapless dress with a sweetheart neckline. It was a satin fabric underneath called "Spun Gold" with a lace over-lay (the lace over-lay gave the fabric underneath almost a pink tint). When the consultant bustled it, I fell in love with it. It was so beautiful and would look SO good with the cowboy boots I've decided to wear. ;)
What I disliked: The train was way too long and it was it was a lot "fanicer" than I was going for. Also, I really want a dress with the buttons up the zipper, and this dress didn't have that.
I also tried on an adorable birdcage veil at Betsy Robinson that I WILL be getting. :)
However, my mom has since decided not to help with the dress, so I am back to square one with a way smaller budget.
I read an article yesterday on the Huffington Post via the AOL homepage (of course I can't find it now) about buying less expensive wedding dresses. In the article they mentioned that stores that don't specialize in weddings are starting to sell wedding collections. Three of the companies they mentioned were J. Crew (which I was already aware), Ann Taylor, and White House Black Market.
Well, of course I checked it out! And look what I found:
The Audrey dress by White House Black Market. And... drum roll please!... It's only $698!
The description from the website:
Although it isn't all lace, which I really liked, it is the style of dress I was trying on, and it has the buttons down the side like the dress I tried on at Mary's Bridal! Plus, that lace bolero the bride is wearing is the PERFECT lacy accessory.
I love it! I think we have found a dress within the budget, people! :)
UPDATE:
We have decided on a catering package with Punk's Backyard Grill and should be getting the contract any day!
Also, we scheduled our Engagement Session with the Photographer! That will be on October 9th. :)
It was a a strapless dress with a sweetheart neckline. It was a satin fabric underneath called "Spun Gold" with a lace over-lay (the lace over-lay gave the fabric underneath almost a pink tint). When the consultant bustled it, I fell in love with it. It was so beautiful and would look SO good with the cowboy boots I've decided to wear. ;)
What I disliked: The train was way too long and it was it was a lot "fanicer" than I was going for. Also, I really want a dress with the buttons up the zipper, and this dress didn't have that.
I also tried on an adorable birdcage veil at Betsy Robinson that I WILL be getting. :)
However, my mom has since decided not to help with the dress, so I am back to square one with a way smaller budget.
I read an article yesterday on the Huffington Post via the AOL homepage (of course I can't find it now) about buying less expensive wedding dresses. In the article they mentioned that stores that don't specialize in weddings are starting to sell wedding collections. Three of the companies they mentioned were J. Crew (which I was already aware), Ann Taylor, and White House Black Market.
Well, of course I checked it out! And look what I found:
The Audrey dress by White House Black Market. And... drum roll please!... It's only $698!
The description from the website:
Breathtaking ivory silk taffeta bridal gown artfully sculpted with a pleated, asymmetric bodice and voluminous, floor-sweeping skirt. Removable taffeta blooms flourish along the strapless neckline and side. Showcased online only.
- Contour fit.
- Wear with or without the removable flowers that attach with hidden snaps. Includes removable adjustable straps. Bustier construction includes boning and an inner silicone/elastic band that prevents the back from shifting. Easy side zip closure embellished with 26 decorative buttons.
- Fully lined in charmeuse; silky side rests against the skin. Crinoline underlay with lace hem.
- Length: 62".
- 100% Silk. Dry clean. Imported.
Although it isn't all lace, which I really liked, it is the style of dress I was trying on, and it has the buttons down the side like the dress I tried on at Mary's Bridal! Plus, that lace bolero the bride is wearing is the PERFECT lacy accessory.
I love it! I think we have found a dress within the budget, people! :)
UPDATE:
We have decided on a catering package with Punk's Backyard Grill and should be getting the contract any day!
Also, we scheduled our Engagement Session with the Photographer! That will be on October 9th. :)
Monday, July 18, 2011
Dress Shopping Take Two
Yesterday (Sunday) we went to Mary's Bridal in Annapolis and tried on SO many dresses. There was one I tried on that was so "me." We weren't allowed to take pictures, so I will have to describe it the best I can. It is a strapless "A-Line" dress that falls to the floor with a very small train. The whole thing is actual lace that is a more creamy white. There is a satin-like champagne colored sash across the middle that is wide on the right side and sinches in on the left which creates a kind of "rouching." The zipper is on the left side with rhinestone buttons all the way down the zipper. It is so classic and timeless but also has the vintage feel we are going for. It is very form-fitting and shows off my figure, which I thought I wouldn't like but ended up loving! And the best part is, I think I may wear vintage cow-girl boots with it ;)
The experience at this boutique was very interesting, to say the least. When we walked in the owner, Mary, greeted us and seated us back in the corner of the shop. She asked me if this was the first place I've visited to try on dresses, so of course I told her about J. Crew & how I love the Principessa (color, fabric, cut, etc.) She started pretty much bashing J. Crew & the dress! Saying you have to wear extra "skirts" under the Principessa, which adds about 15 lbs to it. Mary asked if I had a picture of the Principessa on me and I told her I had my camera with me just in case. I showed her the picture and right when she gave it back she snapped at me that I can't use my camera here because most of the gowns are her "creations" and she has copyrights on all of them. She said something like, "It has taken me 30 years to build this up to be my life." Haha! I never even asked if I could take pictures!
Well, she didn't listen to a thing I said and had the consultant I was working with, Christina, bring me a bright white, skin tight, kind of mermaid-like wedding dress with the type of straps I actually went out of my way to say I didn't care for. But I thought, "What the heck, I'll try it on because you never know!" So Christina took me into a dressing room and had me take off all my clothes (except underwear) and put on a robe. Well I had just gotten my shirt off and Mary knocks on the door then just barges in to tell me everything the consultant had just told me. Hahaha! I was so shocked! And as she's telling me, I'm standing there half naked and she goes, "I'm not looking at you." It was one of the strangest experiences I have ever had.
So I tried the Flamenco dress on and it was very pretty- I felt like Marilyn Monroe! But that was the thing, the dress didn't match my wedding, the venue, or even me. So the consultant took me around the boutique to pick out something I like. She was even very up-front about what dresses were within our budget, and which weren't. The first dress I picked was the lace one. :) As we were walking back to the fitting room Mary stopped us & asked how I like the dress she picked out. I told her it was a gorgeous dress, but it was just too white & didn't match me or the venue. She got really upset and started lecturing me about what bright white really is and got this dress out that was so white it was almost blue & told me THAT is what bright white is. Well, I told her it's not about what "bright white" is considered, it's about what I feel is too white. The poor consultant was so embarrassed she kind of ushered me away.
Working with Christina, the consultant, was so nice and pleasant, but Mary is flat out crazy. I love the dress at Mary's more so than the one at J. Crew now (lol!), but I'm affraid to go ahead with it and purchase anything there because I feel like working with the owner at all will be a complete disaster.
We are going to one more boutique in Pikesville one night this week. If we don't find anything there, I'm going with the lace dress at Mary's.
Wish me luck! ;)
The experience at this boutique was very interesting, to say the least. When we walked in the owner, Mary, greeted us and seated us back in the corner of the shop. She asked me if this was the first place I've visited to try on dresses, so of course I told her about J. Crew & how I love the Principessa (color, fabric, cut, etc.) She started pretty much bashing J. Crew & the dress! Saying you have to wear extra "skirts" under the Principessa, which adds about 15 lbs to it. Mary asked if I had a picture of the Principessa on me and I told her I had my camera with me just in case. I showed her the picture and right when she gave it back she snapped at me that I can't use my camera here because most of the gowns are her "creations" and she has copyrights on all of them. She said something like, "It has taken me 30 years to build this up to be my life." Haha! I never even asked if I could take pictures!
Well, she didn't listen to a thing I said and had the consultant I was working with, Christina, bring me a bright white, skin tight, kind of mermaid-like wedding dress with the type of straps I actually went out of my way to say I didn't care for. But I thought, "What the heck, I'll try it on because you never know!" So Christina took me into a dressing room and had me take off all my clothes (except underwear) and put on a robe. Well I had just gotten my shirt off and Mary knocks on the door then just barges in to tell me everything the consultant had just told me. Hahaha! I was so shocked! And as she's telling me, I'm standing there half naked and she goes, "I'm not looking at you." It was one of the strangest experiences I have ever had.
So I tried the Flamenco dress on and it was very pretty- I felt like Marilyn Monroe! But that was the thing, the dress didn't match my wedding, the venue, or even me. So the consultant took me around the boutique to pick out something I like. She was even very up-front about what dresses were within our budget, and which weren't. The first dress I picked was the lace one. :) As we were walking back to the fitting room Mary stopped us & asked how I like the dress she picked out. I told her it was a gorgeous dress, but it was just too white & didn't match me or the venue. She got really upset and started lecturing me about what bright white really is and got this dress out that was so white it was almost blue & told me THAT is what bright white is. Well, I told her it's not about what "bright white" is considered, it's about what I feel is too white. The poor consultant was so embarrassed she kind of ushered me away.
Working with Christina, the consultant, was so nice and pleasant, but Mary is flat out crazy. I love the dress at Mary's more so than the one at J. Crew now (lol!), but I'm affraid to go ahead with it and purchase anything there because I feel like working with the owner at all will be a complete disaster.
We are going to one more boutique in Pikesville one night this week. If we don't find anything there, I'm going with the lace dress at Mary's.
Wish me luck! ;)
Monday, July 11, 2011
Dress Shopping Take One
My mom, Erin, and I went to the J. Crew in Georgetown this past Sunday to try on bride and bridesmaid dresses. There was one dress in particular I have had my sights on for a long, long while. That would be the Principessa (formally the Genvieve).
Isn't it dreamy?
So here is how the dress looked on me. Please excuse the poor lighting, we were in the fitting room. ;)
Obviously, it is way, way too long and would need to be hemmed. We also had to clip the straps back, which were also too long. Both easy fixes. I love the feel and the weight of the fabric, it is so luxurious and just heavy enough without being too heavy. I also love the simplicity of the dress- it is gorgeous by itself without lace, bead-work, or embroidery. The color, "Snow," isn't too white, but doesn't have the yellow tint ivory tends to have.
Sigh, I think I'm in love...
I also tried on another dress, the Sascha. It's very pretty, but I hated it. The fabric was all wrong, and the top part, to me, looked like something a gladiator would wear.
We will be going to another bridal shop, Mary's Bridal, hopefully this weekend to try on some stuff just to get a feel for other styles.
I'll post more pictures after our trip to Mary's and Erin also has some pictures on her camera from J. Crew that I will also post once she emails them to me. :)
Upcoming:
Sunday 7/17 3PM appointment at Mary's Bridal
Saturday 8/13 meeting with Punk's to discuss catering
So here is how the dress looked on me. Please excuse the poor lighting, we were in the fitting room. ;)
Obviously, it is way, way too long and would need to be hemmed. We also had to clip the straps back, which were also too long. Both easy fixes. I love the feel and the weight of the fabric, it is so luxurious and just heavy enough without being too heavy. I also love the simplicity of the dress- it is gorgeous by itself without lace, bead-work, or embroidery. The color, "Snow," isn't too white, but doesn't have the yellow tint ivory tends to have.
Sigh, I think I'm in love...
I also tried on another dress, the Sascha. It's very pretty, but I hated it. The fabric was all wrong, and the top part, to me, looked like something a gladiator would wear.
We will be going to another bridal shop, Mary's Bridal, hopefully this weekend to try on some stuff just to get a feel for other styles.
I'll post more pictures after our trip to Mary's and Erin also has some pictures on her camera from J. Crew that I will also post once she emails them to me. :)
Upcoming:
Sunday 7/17 3PM appointment at Mary's Bridal
Saturday 8/13 meeting with Punk's to discuss catering
Friday, July 8, 2011
He Proposed...
So now I'll be Mrs. Jones ;)
Bridget Jones, to be exact. (Yes, like the movie...)
My wonderfulboyfriend fiancé, Matt, presented me with this beauty about 2 weeks ago, of course I said yes!
And now I'm planning an outdoor DIY wedding at sunset on Friday, June 1, 2012. Less than a year away. I think I may be a little crazy...
I want to keep this blog to record every step of the wedding, so I can't forget anything!And to stay organized through the planning process.
Ok, details! So far we have decided on:
Upcoming stuff:
I need to send the contract and deposit to the photographer.
Sunday 7/10/11 J Crew Georgetown to try on both bride and bridesmaid dresses with my mom and Erin.
Saturday 8/13/11 Meeting with Sheila, one of the owners of Punk's, to discuss catering menu
Dress shopping in DC this weekend- so excited! :D
Bridget Jones, to be exact. (Yes, like the movie...)
My wonderful
And now I'm planning an outdoor DIY wedding at sunset on Friday, June 1, 2012. Less than a year away. I think I may be a little crazy...
I want to keep this blog to record every step of the wedding, so I can't forget anything!And to stay organized through the planning process.
Ok, details! So far we have decided on:
- Ceremony Date/Time: Friday, June 1, 2012 at 5:30PM
- Approx. 50-70 guests
- Venue for ceremony and reception: Matt's Family's farm where he lives and we will be living shortly
- Wedding Party: MOH- my sister, Erin. Best Man- Matt's brother, Brian. Flower Girl- Matt's niece, Gracie. Ring Bearer- my son, Riley.
- Photographer: Natalie Franke Photography
- Caterer: Punk's Backyard Grill (our most favorite restaurant!)
- Officiant: We are pretty positive we will be going with Rev. Tracey Moe
Upcoming stuff:
I need to send the contract and deposit to the photographer.
Sunday 7/10/11 J Crew Georgetown to try on both bride and bridesmaid dresses with my mom and Erin.
Saturday 8/13/11 Meeting with Sheila, one of the owners of Punk's, to discuss catering menu
Dress shopping in DC this weekend- so excited! :D
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